Stuck in a tunnel, how birth experiences can shape the way that we interact with the world.
I’ve been working with a young boy of 11 for the past two years now. His mum originally brought him to see me for Pervasive Demand Avoidance. PDA is best described as an intense and uncontrollable need for autonomy and choice, protection of self from perceived demands, and a heightened arousal of the nervous system of perceived threats to one’s autonomy.
This family had done tremendous work around using collaborative language, validating feelings without judgment, using humour and playfulness, and using Non-directive prompts with their son, but as you can imagine, it took a lot of energy.
We started out with a well-matched remedy that fit him: Calcarea carbonica. This did some really nice work around dysregulation, skin healing and meltdowns. A bowel nosode was also brought on, Gaertner bach as this fit his highly anxious state, hypersensitivity, and malabsorption issues (he was in a lower growth percentage). He was able to attend some group classes and Christmas was no longer overwhelming! Here is an update I received from mum around that time: "I also think that I didn’t realize how MY nervous system had been on high alert for all these years, like walking on egg shells trying to help him regulate or to not hurt someone during a meltdown. I am just now noticing that I am actually beginning to relax, to feel more at ease, and confident that I can go outside to water the garden and leave boys in house playing and know that he isn’t going to lose self-control and hurt his brother. He is SO different and doing SO incredibly well with regulating his emotions, and the anxiety is nearly gone. The anxiety ruled every moment of his life before, he was constantly like a “pressure valve”, and I watched constantly to try to intervene when I sensed his pressure building to where he would “explode” into a violent meltdown or a panic attack. Our whole family is healing from him healing.
Yesterday, he rode an elevator with a window in it - one that he previously was too terrified to even walk into…and he was totally at ease and proud of himself! And, for the first time in his life- he answered a teacher’s question clearly, comfortably, and with ease (whom he had never met) at science museum yesterday, all while making eye contact as well! I played it cool, as not to “jinx” him, but inside, I was absolutely in shock and awe!”
Fast forward one year later, and he had also grown two sizes and come such a long way!
Shortly after he developed a fear of wasps! He was having some meltdowns again and Calc carb wasn’t helping anymore so I brought on Hepar sulph to “manage” the meltdowns. Of course we want to do more than just “manage” in homeopathy, but that’s where we were at the time. As we worked our way up to Hepar sulph in 1M his meltdowns became farther and few between with less intensity, so we were in fact doing more than managing!
Next, we really started to explore mum’s pregnancy and his labor and delivery. During delivery mum’s wishes were really violated and mum was really mistreated, so I gave Staphisagria three times. This wonderful remedy for violation brought on further healing, for both actually as I had them both take it.
Another update from mum in March of this year brought: “trying new things better overall, more at ease with things, so playful and cooperative with people, is very courteous, understanding of others, moved out of family bed on his own 2 weeks ago.”
What has stuck around, though?
fear of wasps
extreme reaction to baby and toddlers, refuses he was one as he was never that stupid, says he was born at age 5yrs old, “they get in the way, don’t play on my level, I was never that dumb,” can't show him any photos of him as an infant, doesn’t talk about it = gets angry instantly
no haircut in 2 years
no water poured on his face
fear of tunnels and heights
Recently, a colleague shared with me the well-known remedy Bufo. Now, Bufo is well known for seizures, excessive masturbation, and slowness, but she shared that it has also helped with severe nervous system dysregulation and fear of wasps! Since fear of wasps was such an impactful fear for him, along with a few other keynotes, and as the family had to plan outings around this fear, I decided to give him one dose. Here was the update one week later: “the very next day he actually came up to me while we were outside just to declare that a wasp had just flown by him and he noticed that while it startled him at first, he did not feel afraid like he normally does!!! And, he hasn’t had a problem with them ever since! This is so drastic- he went from having a “frozen” panic attack in the yard one day, to being completely at ease the next! 😃 He has also shown signs of deep interest in bees and wasps now that the fear is gone! (Wanting to learn more about them)” This is big news, as this family can now go outside freely!
Ok, but what was left over now that hasn’t budged in almost two years?
extreme reaction to baby and toddlers, refuses he was one as he was never that stupid, says he was born at age 5yrs old, they get in the way, don’t play on my level, I was never that dumb, can't show him any photos of him as an infant, doesn’t talk about it = gets angry instantly
no haircut in 2 years
no water poured on his face
fear of tunnels and heights
So, we continued to explore his delivery experience, and mum shared that during delivery, there were no contractions prior = pushing too early, and Pitocin was brought on. His heart rate dropped as it often does with Pitocin, then he was “stuck in a tunnel” at the bony protrusions of the pelvis for a while. This last point is where the gold is! He was stuck in the lower part of the birth canal, and he experienced “the expulsion from paradise.” Initially, there were no contractions that came on naturally to signal that he is moving out of the “good womb,” and the womb was now becoming a dangerous place with the intense Pitocin-induced contractions. In the book Miasms in Labour, by Harry von der Zee he states that this is the Psoric stage of birth, the onset of delivery, and changes in a closed uterine system. This Psoric state of the birth experience brings with it anxiety and uncertainty, awareness of fragility, nostalgia, feelings of guilt and failures and success. These are all themes that this young boy struggled with! So I suggested one dose of Psorinum and a few days later mum updated this: “For the past few weeks, he has developed a special interest in street lights- all types of street lights, but he has his favorite kinds. Whenever we walk outside or ride in car, he is always watching for street lights and telling us about the various types and which are his favorites. (He has always had an interest in lights in various ways -sometimes bulbs, sometimes fixtures, but the street lights are a new special interest). Ever since giving him the Psor remedy, he has had anxiety around “needing to hunt for street lights. Oddly, also this week- he is very often saying the word “belch”. This is coming out often-like mid-sentence he will interrupt himself or others by saying “belch.” Could the light special interest and “belch” blurting signify his first breath and being born through the tunnel into bright lights?! There were certainly those surgical lights in the hospital room where he first came into the world. It could very well be!
But, at this time, he also had a big aggravation: he had been VERY explosive, aggressive, violent, high anxiety…all things we have not seen in months, and his skin is pretty erupted in eczema, red, itchy, some patches and some spots that bleed when scratched. Such a response he had! So, I suggested a Tamp Down dose to bring down the aggravation, and here is what transpired: “within a few days, he has accomplished HUGE progress around some phobias/sensitivities."
1st- It was like a sudden “click” in his brain one day when he declared how ridiculous it is that he has claimed for years now that he was never an infant or a toddler, and that of course he was once a newborn baby! Then he was so curious about what he was like as a baby and toddler! My heart has healed so much from his acknowledgment of this! (He has always gotten angry with me if I ever mentioned a memory of when he was younger). This week he has been devouring photo books and loving hearing stories about when he was younger- finally!!
2nd- He suddenly declared that he was ready for a haircut (he hasn’t let me cut his hair for almost 2 yrs now, and has always said that he wants it to cover his face.) He loves his new short hair and is no longer trying to hide his face.
3rd- While he was taking a bath the same night as getting a haircut, he meant to pour water over his hair, but accidentally didn’t look upwards enough and it poured on his face. He instantly just laughed it off, and said, “Oh! I didn’t look upwards high enough, and it went in my face! (While laughing!) I was in shock and just said the first thing that came to mind, “You didn’t even freak out!” Having water sprayed on his face has always been a phobia of his!
He is feeling so much more confident and less anxious than he has ever been in his whole life! It is absolutely amazing to witness.”
We have yet to see how his fear of tunnels and heights comes along, but all of this boy’s progress has been amazing!
You can see how, over a two-year process, we have had many ups and downs, and there are a few more interspersed as well.
Time will tell us just how deep the healing will be from his birth experience and what more it can bring him!
The next step will be to bring on China, our remedy for “loss of vital fluids” as his mum experienced hemorrhaging while in labor and it only increased after he was born. I’ll update this blog once we get there!
Each of his experiences while in utero and during his delivery has left a layer on this young boy, and slowly we are going through each layer. It will only bring on further healing for him and the entire family.